In a devastating 18-minute video, Jessa Duggar admitted that she had a miscarriage.

In a moving video posted on her YouTube page on Friday, Jessa described the tragedy. It begins with her and her husband Ben Seewald gathering around their four children to inform them that Jessa is expecting her fifth child. The former TLC performer then appears in the clip to explain that she was having some problems.

When Jessa and Ben eventually went to the clinic for a checkup, an ultrasound technician informed them that “the sac looks excellent. The baby does not,” and she allowed them a minute “to absorb the loss, sitting there and holding hands and grieving,” according to Jessa.

We talked about that with the kids. We can’t wait to meet this little one in paradise one day. When you lose someone so important to you, it does make heaven that much sweeter,” she added in the video titled “Heartbreak Over the Christmas.”

Throughout the incident, Jessa was open about how she felt. The 30-year-old remembers questioning the physicians’ pessimistic diagnosis just before the dilation and curettage (or D&C) operation.

I just wanted to ask, “Can I please have one more ultrasound? Please? Somebody check, make sure,” she said as they were wheeling her back. I was “kind of having all these anxieties that maybe they got something incorrect.”

She also described the moment of the loss that was the most tragic.

“Just waking up after the surgery and just knowing that the life that was in you is no longer there. You never got to meet your baby or say any goodbyes or anything.”

Jessa added that right after the treatment, her mother and husband were there to console her.

On November 1st, 2014, Jessa wed Ben. A year later, on November 5, 2015, the couple welcomed their son Spurgeon Elliott, and on February 6, 2017, they received their second son, Henry Wilberforce. Ivy Jane, a baby girl, was born to them on May 26, 2019, and Fern Elliana, a second daughter, was born to them on July 13, 2021.