Every time we go out to eat, my boyfriend “forgets” his credit card, so I have to pay for everyone.

It all came crashing down one night, starting a heated argument that made me think about how much I was willing to give up. It felt like my bad luck was finally catching up with me, making me face the things I had been avoiding all along.

In nine months, I’ve been seeing Sam. He’s a nice guy and a great dad to his two kids, Mia and Jake. They’re always lively and fun to be with.

A few times a week, for dinner, we go out. Since then, the four of us have been going out to eat and spending time together all the time.

After dating Sam for a few months, I began to notice a pattern. At first, it wasn’t anything big; it was just a bunch of little things that added up. We went to a cozy family diner with Mia and Jake one night.

The kids were looking over the menu, and all the options made their eyes light up. “Can I get the pancakes and bacon?” Mia asked, already excited about what she was going to eat.

With a smile, Sam said, “Sure, sweetheart,” telling them they could have whatever they wanted. Jake then ordered a milkshake and the biggest burger on the menu.

Before the check came, I didn’t give it much thought. Sam rubbed his pockets as usual, and his face fell. “Oh no…” “I believe I left my card at home.”

When I looked at him, I felt that familiar twitch of anger. I had paid for all three of our last meals. “Again?”

He laughed about it. “Sorry, honey. I promise this time only.”

The bill was in front of us, and I thought about it. It wasn’t a small amount. The kids ordered half of the menu, and I was already getting paid very little. But they were sitting there, happy and excited, and Sam had that sorry look on his face. I let out a sigh, took out my card, and gave it to them.

Sam reached out and grabbed my hand as the server left. “I’ll get you back next time, I swear.”

I said yes, but I knew in my heart that I would have to pay again. He could forget more and more each time I said yes. Even though the kids were happy and the night was warm, I had a bad feeling because I knew this couldn’t last.

It started to show up in my budget last month. I have one full-time job and one part-time job, and it’s already hard for me to pay my bills, rent, and buy food. In order to pay for these dinners, I had to cut back on things I really needed.

I had to skip some bills, cook more meals at home, and even walk to work to save money on gas. I told myself, “It’s okay, he’s just forgetting.” In my heart, though, I felt like I was being used.

This time, though, my part-time job had just paid me. It wasn’t much, but finally it was enough to pay my bills. So I quickly texted Sam, “Hey, don’t forget your credit card this time!” since I knew we were going out. In response, he used an emoji to laugh. I wasn’t amused.

When we got to the restaurant, the kids were as happy as always. Mia raised her eyes and looked at the menu. “Can I get the chicken strips and the pizza, Dad?”

“Sure,” Sam replied right away. “Go ahead, get whatever you want.”

Jake also looked through the menu. “I want the big burger and the milkshake!”

Sam smiled and said, “Of course, buddy.”

I just sat there and watched them order. It was going to be a big number. I knew it. I tried to calm down, but my stomach felt tight even before I drank any water.

I leaned over to Sam before the food came. “Hey, did you remember your card this time?” I asked in a soft voice to keep it casual.

Sam’s face fell, he picked up his pockets, and then he gave me the same embarrassed look. “Oh no! I think I left it in my other pair of jeans.” I’m so sorry, honey. Could you take care of this? I’ll get you back.”

I looked at him for a second. “Are you sure?” Again?”

He really looked surprised. “Come on, it’s just this time.”

My face got hot as I shook my head. “No, Sam. Every time. I don’t have any money. “This can’t go on any longer.”

When the food came, it was on big plates, full of everything the kids had ordered. I knew I couldn’t stay before I even took a bite. I stood up and took my bag.

“Wait, where are you going?” Sam asked, his voice getting louder.

“I’m leaving. I’m not going to pay for this again. “Enjoy your meal.” Before he could say anything else, I turned around and left.

Soon after I got home, my phone rang. Sam called.

The buzzing on my phone didn’t last long after I got home. It was Sam. I stared at the screen for a second, still angry from the fight we had at dinner. I knew I had to answer, even though I didn’t want to. To answer, I swiped.

“Hello?”

“Are you serious right now?” Sam had a sharp voice. “You left me and the kids there and didn’t come back.” “What did you think?”

I tried to stay calm by taking a deep breath. “Sam, I already told you that I’m sick of paying for everything. It’s not fair.”

He yelled, “You left the kids hungry!” “We couldn’t eat before leaving.” How are you going to do that? “They didn’t get why you were acting that way.”

I closed my eyes because I was getting angry again. “Sam, I made sure they weren’t hungry. Even though you didn’t have your credit card with you, you let them order all that food. You’ve always done this. “I can no longer afford it.”

His voice got stronger. “Sorry, I forgot my card. No, I wasn’t trying to get you to pay! “You act like I planned this.”

“Sam, it’s not that you forgot. “Because you forget all the time,” I shot back. “It’s happened too many times, and each time I paid for it.” “You have no idea how this makes me feel.”

“I can’t believe you would leave us like that,” he said after a short pause. You left my kids behind. They were lost, and now I have to tell them that their dinner was ruined because you couldn’t feel sorry for them.

My chest got tight. He was being sympathetic by talking about the kids again. It wasn’t about Mia and Jake, even though I loved them. It was because Sam wasn’t taking his part. “Sam, I’m not being selfish.” I’m going to stand up for myself. I am broke because I have paid for everything. “I’ve been so stressed out.”

He said in a low voice, “You didn’t even think about the kids.” “As a dad, I have responsibilities, but so do you.” “You should also care about them.”

“I do care about them!” I almost yelled. “But I don’t think this is fair. It’s not possible for me to always look out for you. “I’m not their mom and I’m not your bank.”

His voice got low and angry. “I didn’t realize you could be so heartless.”

That really hurt me. I cared about Sam and his family and did my best to be a part of their lives. No heart, though? Not at all. I didn’t have no heart. I was just fed up with being left alone. “Sam, this isn’t about being tough. It’s about being fair. “This can’t go on any longer.”

I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Where do I draw the line?”

It was getting too much for me to handle. I wanted to be a good partner and care about the kids. Not enough of one thing or the other, right? As a father, wasn’t Sam supposed to take care of his kids, especially with money? What about me? Should I have to keep paying him even though I was seeing him?

It made me more angry the more I thought about it. I was mad about more than just the money. I felt like Sam didn’t care about my limits.

He always brushed it off, like it wasn’t a big deal, when I tried to talk to him about it. It was important, though. I also had to pay my bills.

I wasn’t sure if Sam really knew what I was feeling. Or did he just see me as someone who could help, whenever it was handy for him?

I had no idea. But I knew I wasn’t going to stay.

I went back to the same restaurant a month after I left Sam. The warm and cozy booth was still there. I was by myself this time.

As I looked at the menu, I smiled. I didn’t have that familiar knot in my stomach because I wasn’t worried about paying for someone else’s food. They gave me exactly what I asked for: pancakes, bacon, and their biggest milkshake.

I wasn’t feeling guilty or stressed; I was just enjoying the moment.

Right away, when the server brought the bill, I pulled out my card. I felt free for the first time in months, and not just from having to worry about money. I felt free from the weight of always being the one to give. This meal and this time were just for me. Plus I no longer felt like I was on a budget.