A SINGLE mother has recounted the heartbreaking moment she discovered her young son dead next to her in bed when she woke up.
Amanda Saucedo, who is from Lorain, Ohio, was awakened when one-month-old Ben began fussing in the middle of the night. Ben’s diaper was changed, and she then took him into bed with her to feed him.
The US army veteran and mother of two nodded out, but when she woke up at 8 am, she realized something was seriously wrong.
Ben was found lifeless in a pool of his own blood. The atrocity took place on November 11, 2014, and Amanda is still bothered by it today.
The Scientific Parent quoted Amanda, who also has a five-year-old son named Trae, as saying: “I turned to face my dear Ben, who was nestled up next to me as usual.
But there was a difficulty. His face was pale, and one of his nostrils was jammed halfway down. I noticed a pool of blood next to Ben when I got to my feet.
I whispered, “No,’ to myself. This is not happening!
My son, who was 30 days old, was on his back when I picked him up, laid him down, and started to gently shake him while shouting, “Ben! Get up! Ben, stand up.
“At that point, I realized he wouldn’t wake up. He had already left.
“I carried Ben downstairs while I paced my living room while talking to the (911) operator.
“She questioned me about starting CPR several times. Every time, I told her that there was no reason. Ben was gone.
He was no longer like my Ben, and his small, inflexible body was rigid in my arms. I was aware there was no hope. He was gone for several hours.
After Amanda was questioned by the police regarding her drug and alcohol use, the case was forwarded to an inquest.
Amanda was added “Was Ben hurt when he passed away? my only question to the coroner was.
According to him, babies this small usually don’t feel discomfort when they suffocate.
“And at that time, shame completely overtook my life and soul. Did I kill Ben?
However, I was conscious that I didn’t roll over or lie down on him. The coroner claims that smothering is another term for suffocation.
“For some reason, when I fell asleep, Ben suffocated. Nothing was restricting Ben’s airway, I told him. How did this happen if his nose and mouth weren’t covered? I failed to grasp it.
“Despite the detective’s friendliness, I got the sense that they were hunting for me, as if there was something I had done to make myself sleep for such a long time. But there was nothing.
“I’m going to hell today. That is the narrative that should not be told. Additionally, it doesn’t seem to get any easier.
Ben’s cause of death was stated as positional “asphyxiation due to dangerous sleep settings” even though there was no evidence to support it.
Amanda says of the choice, “I was furious and obsessed by guilt.”
“It goes without saying that when incidents like these do happen, other people always want to make their own conclusions and hypotheses about what must have gone wrong.
“Accidents in bed only happen to drunk or high people, or obese people, right?
“There is no doubt that this parent or caregiver did not follow the safe sleep guidelines outlined by the great attachment parenting doctors.
“The rest of the world is always searching for a mistake, any justification they can use to hold onto their illusion that they would never go through this.
No healthy child just dies, right? Sadly, they do. Mine did.”
Amanda is now speaking out in an effort to raise awareness about SUDI, SIDS, and the potential risks involved with sharing a bed with a small infant.
Losing a child is terrible and stressful, she said. It’s sad and furious.
“The feelings that loss evokes all clash at once. To spare others from this suffering, I would do anything.
“When this occurs, you lose not only your child but also yourself. Your child’s death will always mark the beginning of the second phase of your life. You evolve with time.
“Since Ben went away, I feel it is my duty to inform parents about good sleeping habits. The information is not always accepted.
“The internet is filled with tips on how to bed share safely. As a result of losing Ben, I am unable to agree with it.
Science has consistently shown that a newborn who shares a bed is at risk of SIDS or SUID.
“Many people tell me that if their baby were to unexpectedly die away while they were asleep, they would rather have their child beside them than by themselves. I’d also have to disagree there.
“I’ll take it with me to my grave that I’ll never be able to tell if my child would still be alive today if he had been allowed to sleep alone.
“I think I wouldn’t have to live with such constant doubt and shame if Ben had died when I was using the ABCs of safe sleep.
“Could his death have been prevented? Maybe I’ll never learn. However, I would never want anyone to experience this sensation of shame or illogic.
By giving Benny Bears and a short story her kid wrote to new parents, Amanda raises awareness.