I’ve been with my hubby for five years. Up until two years ago, we were merely concubines. I had a beautiful baby in February 2015 who had some health difficulties, but I don’t think that’s what got us into this situation now. There are some things I don’t understand when we talk.

• I rationally feel ashamed when she gets furious and raises her voice, and we both place the blame on the other. I’ve grown accustomed to doing everything by myself, so whenever I ask him to help me or do something for me, he constantly responds, “But why can’t you do it?” I really need more help than that. Sincere gratitude to you!

In response, Adela

My darling,

I can see from what you’ve said that you’d like your husband to be more supportive and understanding of you. To make this influence, you must be extremely stringent about what you permit and do not permit. You may take your child and leave him if he raises his voice to you once more. As long as he thinks he can insult you and you let him, he won’t change. Only if you demonstrate to him that you are not afraid of him and that you are independent of him will he respect you and learn to control himself.

When it comes to simple activities like throwing out the trash or taking the kid for a walk, make sure he knows exactly what to do. If he gets louder, try not to lose your cool.

Or lift him up so that he is louder than him. Explain that you need a partner who will support you, stand by your side, and be a positive role model for your son, not someone you have a tense relationship with and who you have to take care of like a howler monkey.

He ought to find a new location to live if he can’t control himself. You are no longer willing to tolerate this behavior indefinitely.

I informed you that if you can persuade him sufficiently, he will respect you. Otherwise, things will carry on as usual. All of it is up to you.