Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: “Your b*tt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.

” With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s b0ttom. “Yes, I was right, your b*tt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!! ” The wife chooses to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-a$s grill for one little ween!e?

ANOTHER GOOD JOKE

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.

The three men had always done everything together!!!!!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”

“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.

Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes.

Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”