MY NEIGHBOR STARTED A BARBECUE EVERY TIME I HUNG LAUNDRY OUTSIDE JUST TO RUIN IT
I’m 70 years old. I’ve lived in the same little house for over 35 years. Raised two kids. Lost my husband too young. Now I live quietly on my own, and to save a little on utilities, I still hang my laundry outside on sunny days — just a clothesline between two poles in the backyard.
Then Melissa moved in next door.
Apparently, my laundry didn’t fit her “vibe.” I overheard her say to a guest, “It’s like living next to a laundromat. It’s just not the aesthetic I envisioned.”
So she started barbecuing every time I hung laundry outside.
Every. Single. Time.
She’d drag the grill right up to the fence so the smoke rolled directly onto my side.
After the third time I had to rewash an entire load that now smelled like burnt bacon and lighter fluid, I confronted her.
She gave me that fake, sugary smile and said, “I’m just enjoying my yard. Isn’t that what neighbors are supposed to do?”
So I stopped arguing. But I knew exactly what to do to make it stop.
Here’s what I did:
I went right back to my house and pulled out an old photo album. In it, among birthday parties and graduation days, was a picture from 1993: me, my late husband, and our two kids, proudly standing in front of the garden we’d spent years perfecting.
You see, what Melissa didn’t know was that before she ever dreamed of a “vibe,” this little backyard was known in the neighborhood for something else entirely.
I spent the next week bringing that reputation back.
Early Monday morning, I called the city’s zoning office. You’d be surprised how many regulations there are about open flames near wooden fences, property lines, and airflow vents. Turns out, dragging a grill within two feet of a shared fence isn’t just rude—it’s a violation.
On Tuesday, I visited the local community garden and picked up an armful of heirloom tomato seedlings and aromatic herbs. Basil, rosemary, mint… Melissa was about to experience the overwhelming “aesthetic” of fresh greenery and old-lady gardening hustle.
By Friday, my backyard was a fragrant paradise. But here’s the kicker: I installed three industrial-strength outdoor fans, aimed not at my laundry—but directly back at her yard. On sunny days, they gently wafted the scents of basil and lavender. On smoky days, well… let’s just say those fans could turn barbecue smoke right around with satisfying precision.
The next weekend, as soon as I hung up my laundry, out came her grill. But this time, the smoke didn’t linger on my sheets. No, it curled right back over the fence, enveloping her pristine white patio furniture, her outdoor cushions, and—oh, poetic justice—her own laundry rack, newly installed by her latest Instagram-inspired whim.
By the fourth sizzle of her gas starter, she realized what was happening. I gave her the same sweet, sugary smile she’d given me.
“I’m just enjoying my yard, dear. Isn’t that what neighbors are supposed to do?”
That was the last time Melissa barbecued near my fence.
Now, my laundry dries in peace. My herb garden thrives. And Melissa? Well, she’s discovered the joys of indoor grilling.
Sometimes, kindness comes with a fan setting.